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May 7, 2013 By girvan

Confession

 Help ! I’m a Christian get me out of here!

Confession is a major hurdle for anyone caught up in sin, especially sexual sin. This is probably the biggest stumbling block for most people seeking true and lasting freedom from pornography. They are happy to confess their sins against the Lord 1 John 1 6 but when they have sinned against others James 5:16 such as their spouse in the form of Pornography, adultery, cyber-sex, chat-rooms etc  these sins must also be confessed to disarm the enemy.

– time to disarm the enemy –

The reason we need to confess to our spouses is because we are one before God through marriage, we are one flesh in His presence Matt 19 5-6.  What affects me- my spirit – also effects my wife – her spirit. Confessing to your wife is also a way of keeping you humble and vulnerable rather than living with an attitude of simply getting away with it. Hidden sin eats us up from the inside  Psalm 32:3-4 and keeps us powerless to fight back. It also breaks the chain of lies and deception that we have nurtured up to this point. Sin thrives in darkness and layers on the guilt, shame and condemnation.  Once the light of truth is shone, all it can do is wither up and die like fungus.

On my own journey this was the most difficult decision that I ever had to make, confessing to my wife about my secret life.  I have experienced Psalm 32 in my life and felt the effects of verses 3-4 and it is not a very pleasant experience. I had confessed all to the Lord but He wanted more. I knew that I wasn’t completely out of the pit until my wife was brought into the picture. I fought and wrestled and tried to compromise with the Lord but His prompting was clear, the weight of His hand wasn’t lifting off me until I made my confession. I had set so many dates and prayed over this confession for weeks hoping that the Lord would relent and change His mind, but that never happened.

So how do you walk up and approach your wife or husband about your sordid past? Well I had two choices. Would I be faithful like Jacob and obey straight away or run like Jonah? Pride would like to say that I obeyed with faith like Jacob but the truth was I was running scared and frightened to death of the impact that this was going to have on my wife, my marriage and my kids – the whole works. To be honest, family life could only have gotten better, the climate at home was rock bottom, stress, rows and arguments were daily, the pressure and tension my wife was living through was incredible.  The kids were constantly upset, we lived in a home full of strife and all of this was caused by my involvement in pornography.

I would come home from work happy enough, but the moment I stepped in the house it all went pear-shaped. You have to understand that if you are using your home for ungodly practices, what you are doing is removing the spiritual covering of the Holy Spirit and inviting unclean spirits in to rule the nest instead. Satan will always go after the authority at home and in the church.  So, since I was the covering for my family I was the main target.  I also want to mention that our home was thick and heavy with a tangible spirit of disorder, nobody felt at peace. There was always strife and can I add that it only happened when I was around because I was the one out of God’s covering.  What I put my family through! They experienced shear hell and torment because I chose pornography over them. I was selfish and I chose to look after my own pleasures, desires and needs. I neglected theirs and almost paid dearly for it.

– zero hour had arrived –

So the time came to confess, the Lord drew the line in the sand for me and He wasn’t wasting any more time on my lack of faith. I knew that had I backed out I would never have had rest or closure and had I never trusted the Lord, He wouldn’t have trusted me with this ministry. I was scared, totally flaking out, still pleading with God up to the last moment, seeking a reprieve but that never happened. What did happen next was strange, when I did take the leap of faith, He gave me His peace and strength to start the confession. I now wanted to confess to honour Him. I had my cake and ate it, now it was time to pay the price for my past. I confessed and left the rest to the Lord, the situation was out of my control. I had no influence as to how it would turn out and how my wife would react or behave but through it there was peace, God was honoured and glorified on my part, now the healing and restoration process in my wife’s life was His job. I had handed to God the release that He needed to operate through by finally trusting Him and His word.

At the time, I seriously couldn’t understand as to why I had to confess to my wife but He was looking at the bigger picture Pro 28:13. Confession neutralized pornography’s hold over my life. It gave me more than a sense of just getting away with it. I now appreciate the damage that it had caused and how I was totally manipulated by it.  For the first time I was able to listen to my wife and share her pain, experiencing first-hand the amount of hurt this had caused – it was a humbling experience and it didn’t sound like me at all.  The Lord formed a united front in our home against this evil, my weakness was exposed. The demonic were stripped of their legal rights to torment our family home and now they had to go in the name of Jesus.

Family life had a 18O degree turn around, no longer is there stress, strife, tension, rows or arguments but peace, joy, harmony, happiness, laughter and a firm presence of the Holy Spirit, so much that folk who visit often compliment about the sense of peace and Holy Spirit presence. If I had confessed only to the Lord, my sins would have still been forgiven and that would be closure for me, but His job would only be half completed because I would have robbed God from the rest of His glory in the healing that was about to follow. My family would have been left confused, bitter and critical, still trying to figure out what the last 15 years were about as I moved on in freedom. But because I was faithful and finally followed His prompting, He was able to work through my wife and kids to bring total healing to the home.

What I have learned through this is that confession is not about YOU.  Sin and pornography affects everybody around you and deep healing needs to be done. Because of the soul-ties that we have formed with our loved ones, they still feel the consequences of our actions and need to be included in the healing process.

To start the process click here for Confession prayer

– Lessons that I have learned –

  1. Obey the prompting of God, Don’t be putting it off.
  2. Confess your fears to God.
  3. Consider asking your Pastor to be there.
  4. Pray what to say, for the right time and place to say it, pray for an outpouring of grace.
  5. Share the details, be honest about who or what was involved, when it took place how often and how long it lasted.
  6. Answer all questions, but avoid the sordid details – we don’t want to glorify evil any more.
  7. Accept their hurt and anger – don’t get defensive or put the blame back onto them, after all it is your mess that caused it all.
  8. Confess and leave it to God, He is in control now.

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Gen 3x – Stop Watching Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

Filed Under: Get The Facts, Men, Uncategorized Tagged With: confess your fears, confessing to your wife, healing to the home, i had to confess to my wife, porngraphy's hold over my life, pornography affects everybody, Psalm 32, Stop Watching Pornography

May 1, 2013 By girvan

The Quitters check-list

What’s hindering you from running your race?

Here is a checklist to help you destroy all sources of porn in your life. The effectiveness of this check list depends on your actions and wiliness to succeed.

Sexual immorality is idolatry. “Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry” col. 3:5.

How are we to treat idols? “This is what you are to do to them: Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones, cut down their Asherah poles, and burn their idols in the fire” Deut. 7:5.

– Are you ready to start? – Good –

  • Tell someone that you intend to destroy all sources of, and access to, your pornography, and to take serious preventative measures. Share your plan with this person and ask this person to follow up on your plan. We recommend sharing with another man in whom it is safe to confide. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”  27v17. You may also wish to confide in a Pastor. Remember that you are not alone. This is a very widespread struggle and there is help available!
  • With complete reckless abandon, scour your house and DESTROY all porn. (This means actual destruction as in DESTROYED. It does not mean giving it to your buddies or friends or leaving it so someone else can find it, even by accident at the dump. Many men have stumbled across pornography after someone else got rid of without completely destroying it.)
  • Choose a destruction method so the materials can no longer be used for their intended purpose, and cannot be repaired. Paper shredders are now relatively inexpensive and can be purchased at office supply stores. If you have a fireplace, you can burn them. Use caution if you are burning VCR tapes, or anything toxic. You need to breathe fresh air. Make sure you have good ventilation and your flue is open so you don’t smoke up your home.

– Take these same actions if you store porn in storage or somewhere else other than your home –

  • Destroy credit cards that facilitate the use of pornography
  • Destroy video rental cards
  • Destroy photos that remind you of encounters.
  • Destroy business cards that remind you of a past you wish to leave.
  • Cut off your access to those people that you have been in affairs and unhealthy relationships with.
  • Destroy the following items in your home or outside your home
  • Magazines
  • VCR tapes
  • DVD’s (break with a hammer, or scratch repeatedly with 25 grit sandpaper)
  • Burn printed images of any kind
  • Books that support sinful behaviour of any sort – tear up by the spine of the book.
  • Posters – shred into pieces
  • Sex toys (if this applies).
  • Lust-inducing magazines (Maxim, Nuts, Zoo, FHM, etc)
  • All swimsuit and lingerie pictures, catalogues, and magazines.
  • Written materials or written records of websites or sources where you have found porn.
  • Clothes that support or promote the pornography, that have graphic pictures, words, etc., or other features that do not help you.
  • Personal items that remind you of a life that you wish to leave.
  • Other items not listed here that support your habit:
  • Note that you morally cannot throw out something that belongs to someone else. If your wife has lingerie catalogues, you can ask her to get rid of them or keep them out of sight. If you have a roommate that keeps porn and doesn’t want to give it up, you can (and almost certainly should) move out.

– Now, for your computer and computer related activity apply the following steps: –

  • Take your computer and put it in FULL VIEW in the most occupied place in your home!!! (Pornography thrives in the dark – Get your computer out of the shadows!)
  • Go through your computer completely and destroy all pornographic or lustful images you have saved. DO NOT back up these files – erase them
  • Use a good software program to scrub your computer’s hard drive of all pornographic image.
  • Delete bookmarks to porn sites and all inappropriate web sites. (These are listed as “Favourites” in Microsoft Internet Explorer and as “Bookmarks” in Netscape Navigator and Mozilla Firefox.) Delete all references to pornography.
  • Delete any websites you have created.
  • Delete all accounts to pornographic web sites
  • Delete all inappropriate online computer subscriptions
  • Delete all inappropriate email addresses from your computer or online email
  • Delete email accounts you used to receive questionable material
  • Remove yourself from inappropriate e-mail lists. If you cannot get out of them, change your e-mail address
  • Delete computer screen savers with lustful images or inappropriate materials
  • Delete inappropriate backgrounds (the picture(s) your computer has at the desktop).
  • Delete all software that supports your habit in any fashion whatsoever, including archiving software or scan-inventory software
  • Reformat all external disk drives where you have stored pornographic/lustful images. (This includes external hard drives, thumb drives, zip disks, floppy disks, etc.)
  • Destroy computer CD’s and DVD’s
  • Destroy or reformat any other electronic storage media containing pornographic or lustful images
  • Delete any files containing records of websites or sources where you have found porn
  • Now cut off access to pornographic images over the internet:
  • Also do not delude yourself by thinking you can view “safer” images or web sites. There is no such thing as a “safer” site. You must admit that you are deluding yourself with these “safer sites,” so you and you alone have the responsibility to do something about this little sneaky/peaky game that leads you to something worse. This is like an alcoholic saying “I won’t drink, I’ll just lick the outside of this glass of rum.
  • Remove Cable TV channels that show “adult” movies (Satellite , etc.) Or if your family must have these channels, use the blocking feature to remove access to porn. Let someone else have the password.

– don’t let up! Keep up the pressure –

  • Call your phone company and place a block.
  • End magazine subscriptions that fuel your slavery.
  • End subscriptions to all inappropriate material including
  • Magazines
  • Movies and videos
  • Catalogues that are inappropriate for you. (Yes, including Ann Summers, Victoria’s Secret.)
  • Books and any other material that fuel your slavery.
  • Remove bumper stickers on your cars that remind you of a lifestyle you wish to leave behind
  • Replace the car-scent thing that hangs in your car with one without graphic pictures
  • Remove all the images from your locker at the gym
  • Change your dining and entertainment routines so that you are not exposed to temptation. (This can mean different things for different people.)
  • If you have let pornography replace your wife, restore yourself with your wife and do whatever is necessary to end the wrong relationship. Get guidance from a pastor or close friend who has a lot of integrity
  • When staying at hotels, tell the front desk to authorize the adult channels or ask them to remove the television from the room.
  • When travelling, cut off access to internet service unless expressly required for your work. (Try to arrange for filtered internet or accountability in some form.)
  • When travelling, make arrangements with your wife or a friend with integrity and call when you arrive at the hotel. Let them know you are not going to the wrong places. Be honest
  • Only take with you enough money for travel or lunch and keep all receipts to show to your wife or friends, hand over all your credit/ visa cards you will get them when needed
  • Change your route home from work if it involves going past red light areas or places where you may be tempted
  • Make a commitment NOT TO RETURN to your past
  • Maintain this by finding someone to be accountable to so that you will not slip back to old ways.
  • LASTLY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY – Develop a spiritual hunger for God – the closer you draw to God, the less and less you will want porn.

The above list is a very proactive way of staying ahead of the things that will cause you to fall. Simply following this list will help you in your daily struggle to crucify the flesh, which in turn will free you to concentrate on the Battle for the mind, for more help also check out Dressed to kill.  click here for The Quitters check-list prayer

 

Gen 3x – Encouraging Believers to Quit Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

 

 

 

Filed Under: Get The Facts, Men, Uncategorized Tagged With: Asherah poles, destroy all sources of porn, end the wrong relationship, finding someone to be accountable to, going past red light areas, How are we to treat idols?, iron sharpens iron, Quit Pornography

May 1, 2013 By girvan

Repentance prayer

   David’s Prayer of Repentance

Psalm 51 is probably the most popular prayer of repentance in the Bible.  This Psalm was written after David committed adultery with Bathsheba. You may or may not have committed physical adultery, but if you have been watching pornography, you have most certainly committed spiritual adultery Matthew 5:28. Use this Psalm as a model or make up your own personal heart felt prayer of repentance towards a gracious and forgiving God.

 

Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy loving kindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.

Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.

For I acknowledge my transgressions: and my sin is ever before me.

Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done this evil in thy sight: that thou mightest be justified when thou speakest, and be clear when thou judgest. 

Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

Behold, thou desirest truth in the inward parts: and in the hidden part thou shalt make me to know wisdom.

Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean: wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. 

Make me to hear joy and gladness; that the bones which thou hast broken may rejoice.

Hide thy face from my sins, and blot out all mine iniquities.

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy holy spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit.

Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness.

O Lord, open thou my lips; and my mouth shall shew forth thy praise.

For thou desirest not sacrifice; else would I give it: thou delightest not in burnt offering.

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.

Do good in thy good pleasure unto Zion: build thou the walls of Jerusalem.

Then shalt thou be pleased with the sacrifices of righteousness, with burnt offering and whole burnt offering: then shall they offer bullocks upon thine altar

 

Gen3x – Fighting Pornography Together

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

Filed Under: Men, Prayer, Uncategorized Tagged With: adultery, Bathsheba, create in me a clean heart, prayer of repentance, Psalm 51, tender mercies, trangressions

May 1, 2013 By girvan

Be the man prayer

 

Lord, I thank you that there is more grace in Your heart than there is sin in my past. Although I have made my share of bad decisions, I know that you can forgive my past and cover my mistakes so that it will no longer separate me from your fellowship and holiness.

I take full responsibility for my actions, the hurt and pain and grief that I have caused to everybody through my involvement in pornography/ adultery/ immorality and I ask for your forgiveness from all of this. Lord release your peace and comfort to those who are still hurting and teach me how to be a new man even if it means breaking me, I hand to you Lord my permission to do whatever it takes to be the man my family needs me to be, the man who You died for me to be. Father I bring nothing to You but my great need for change. I acknowledge that You only have my best interests at heart and I fully trust You in the process that I must go through. Thank you Lord for blessing my marriage, my wife and my children. I count on Your grace and favour in this matter in Jesus’ name  Amen

Gen3x – Fighting Pornography Together

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

 

Filed Under: Men, Prayer, Uncategorized Tagged With: bad decisions, be the man, fighting pornography, forgiveness, Lord release your peace and comfort, my involvement in pornography, take full responsibility, the man my family needs

May 1, 2013 By girvan

God is bigger than your mistakes

 Repentance

What was the biggest mistake you ever made? No matter how badly you think you’ve blown it, others have made bigger mistakes and the Bible is a testimony to that. Think what David, Job, Isaiah, Peter and the Prodigal son all did. Repentance from sin is not a matter of lip service, a onetime deal or a casual attitude. Sin has no limits, so that means it’s a daily walk turning away completely from our old nature each and every day.

 

– Repentance is not about you –

Everyone who was restored in the bible was conscious with how they had grieved the Father’s heart and in turn felt the sorrow of a sinful nature that offends a holy God. The understanding and knowledge of repentance releases the gift of fruit in our lives.

If you have truly repented from your behaviour, God’s grace will cover up all your weaknesses 2 Cor 12:9 and bad decisions. God is bigger than your greatest mistakes, bigger than your foolishness, bigger than your sins, bigger than the messes you have left along the road which you have chosen up to now. Repentance isn’t just a matter of turning away from sin, it also involves a change of mind that results in a change of action.

Evangelist Lester Roloff puts it like this, “Real repentance is putting your trust in Jesus Christ so you will not live like that anymore. Departing from a sinful lifestyle is a matter of appreciation for what the Lord has done for us obeying God as His children and not as a condition of saving faith”.

Charles Spurgeon – “Just now some professedly Christian teachers are misleading many by saying that ‘repentance is only a change of mind.’ It is true that the original word does convey the idea of a change of mind; but the whole teaching of Scripture concerning the repentance which is not to be repented of is that it is a much more radical and complete change than is implied by our common phrase about changing one’s mind. The repentance that does not include sincere sorrow for sin is not the saving grace that is wrought by the Holy Spirit. God-given repentance makes men grieve in their inmost souls over the sin they have committed, and works in them a gracious hatred of evil in every shape and form. ‘Repentance is to leave the sin we loved before, and show that we in earnest grieve by doing so no more’”

– Worldly sorrow vs Godly sorrow –

Have you ever noticed that those who have truly repented and received complete forgiveness are usually open and forthright about their past sin?     They are the men and women who have experienced the gift of repentance and worked it into their lifestyle. They are the ones who can stand up unashamed and publicly share the testimonies of their lives as alcoholics, adulterers, thieves, drug addicts, murderers etc, they have the right to boast about how they once lived and the joy to proclaim how they now live through the transforming power and grace of Jesus Christ. No confession would be credible without true repentance.  Repentance is the recognition of your sinfulness towards God. Repentance is not throwing a pity party after being found out for what you were up to and running around trying to look all meek and humble, that equals worldly sorrow or poor me. Godly sorrow is not wanting God to suffer while He watches as you continually indulge in a rebellious lifestyle.  click here for Repentance prayer

 

 Repentance is a gift from God 2 Timothy 2 25,  God leads you to repentance Romans 2v4,  Repentance bears fruit Matthew 3:8,  God is watching and waiting for repentance Luke 15,  Repentance brings recovery Matthew 7v5,  Repentance brings restoration Job 42

Gen 3x – Helping Christian’s Overcome Pornography

“Hear, O Israel, Ye Approach This Day Unto Battle Against Your Enemies: Let Not Your Hearts Faint, Fear Not, And Do Not Tremble, Neither Be Ye Terrified Because Of Them. “Deuteronomy 20v3

 

 

 

Filed Under: Get The Facts, Men, Uncategorized Tagged With: appreciation for what the Lord has done, bigger that your sins, Charles Spurgeon, God is bigger, grieved the Fathers heart, Helping Christians Overcome Pornography, indulge in a rebellious lifestyle, real repentance is putting your trust in Jesus, recognition of sinfulness

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